🌀

ASCENDED & EXHAUSTED

“You’ve reached the 8th dimension. But your body still thinks it’s Tuesday.”

Yes, you have transcended time, space, and most likely your own patience.
You’ve touched the cosmic goo of Everything™ and came back covered in glitter and confusion.
Congratulations. You’re officially… ascended & exhausted.

🔮 Symptoms of Being Ascended & Exhausted:

  • You sigh like an old priestess who’s seen too much.
  • You can hear the universe, but wish it had a mute button.
  • You glow faintly, but also smell like coffee and despair.
  • Your friends say: “You’ve changed.” And you answer: “Yes. I now have visions and insomnia.”

✨ Mini RITUAL: Cosmic Reboot (for Overachievers of Light)

What you need:
🕯️ A candle
🍪 A snack
🧍‍♀️ A floor
🌌 Your ridiculous, tired, glorious self

  1. Light the candle and say:
    “I call back my energy from the 5th, 6th, and 8th dimension. I also want my socks back.”
  2. Lie down on the floor and declare:
    “The Earth supports me. She’s tired too. We nap together now.”
  3. Take one deep sigh.
    Not a breath. A sigh. The kind that shakes the soul and scares your neighbors.
  4. Eat the snack and whisper:
    “Spirituality can wait. This granola bar is my current guide.”
  5. Blow out the candle and say:
    “I am enough. Even in leggings. Even at 2% battery.”

🛸 Mantra of the Card:

“I am ascended. I am exhausted.
I release the need to save anyone before breakfast.”

✨ Namaste, but sideways ✨