CHANNEL: Two Working Brain Cells

📡

Live from the Station of Cosmic Chaos

“I’m receiving a message. Wait—nope. That was my own panic.”

You’ve opened your crown chakra, your heart chakra, your third eye, your back door, your inbox, and possibly the fridge…
And what’s flowing through?
Mostly static, mild anxiety, and a vision of oat milk.

You are channeling.
You are vibrating.
You are slightly dehydrated.
And you’ve got exactly two brain cells left — fighting for space with a bag of cosmic popcorn and someone else’s ancestral trauma.

⚡ Signs You’re in Channeling Chaos:

  • You say “I’m getting something!” but it’s just heartburn
  • You can’t tell if it’s your intuition or your inner critic cosplaying as a guru
  • You whisper affirmations while doomscrolling
  • You hold a crystal so hard it develops performance anxiety

🧘 MINI RITUAL: Tune the F** In*

What you’ll need:
🔮 A spoon (or equally mysterious object)
🍫 A snack (divine sugar injection)
📝 A piece of paper
🧠 Your final two neurons, preferably caffeinated

  1. Hold the object like it’s the Holy Grail of Wi-Fi.
    Say: “I open the cosmic signal. Please don’t buffer.”
  2. Close your eyes dramatically.
    Whisper: “I am ready to receive… something. Anything. Preferably coherent.”
  3. Take a bite of the snack.
    This stabilizes the download and keeps you from yelling at angels.
  4. Write down the first 3 things that pop into your brain.
    Could be wisdom. Could be your grocery list. Could be Steve from Atlantis. We don’t judge.
  5. Shrug ceremonially and say:
    “That’s enough enlightenment for today. I’ll check back after snacks and crying.”

🧠 WTF MANTRA:

“I am connected.
Even if the signal is weird.
Even if the channel is mostly memes and panic.”

✨ Beam me up, confusion. I’m ready. ✨