🧘‍♀️

🧥 You put on your comfiest hoodie.
🕯️ You light your candle.
▶️ You hit play: “Guided Meditation for Divine Alignment.”

🎧 The voice begins, calm and celestial:
“Breathe in. Relax. Go deeper.”
🌬️ You breathe in. You go deeper.
🍰 Deeper into the memory of the cheesecake you left in the fridge.

💫 The voice continues:
“Imagine yourself floating in light…”
🥜 But your brain is floating in peanut butter.
🍌 You think about bananas.
🧀 Then suddenly… cheese.

👁️‍🗨️ Your eyes flutter open for a second.
✨ The fridge glows in the corner.
🤔 Is that… divine light?

🙈 You close your eyes again.
“Let go of what no longer serves you…”
You whisper: “Like discipline?”

🛸 You’re supposed to be ascending.
🧙‍♂️ You’re supposed to meet your spirit guide.
🍴 But instead, you meet your inner hunger.
🧦 You sneak to the fridge — barefoot, half-zenned, fully possessed.

🚪 You open the door. The light beams out like heaven itself.
🧁 There it is: cheesecake.
👐 You whisper: “I receive.”

🍽️ Moral?
Sometimes your highest guidance is a snack.