🗝️

“Earth? No thanks. Already been there. Left a bad Yelp review.”

Some souls come to Earth with a mission.
Others… show up, look around, and immediately want to speak to the manager of the universe.

If you’re reading this card, chances are:

  • You’ve tried “trusting the process”
  • You’ve done “the work”
  • You’ve channeled, healed, sobbed, saged, journaled, and screamed into your pillow…

…and now you’re ready to reschedule your existence.

🛑 Symptoms You Need This Key:

  • Your aura has a tiny exit sign blinking on your left shoulder
  • You’ve whispered “Nope” to your soul contract… out loud
  • You stare at trees and think: “Can I reincarnate as that?”
  • You fantasize about being a floating consciousness in the void (but with snacks)

✨ RITUAL: Exit Request (Filed, Delayed, Denied)

What you’ll need:
🛏️ A blanket
🪑 A chair (aka throne of exasperation)
📱 A phone (turned off, but held dramatically)

  1. Wrap yourself in the blanket like a burrito of refusal.
    Say: “I hereby cancel this incarnation. For now. Maybe. I don’t know. Whatever.”
  2. Sit in the chair and give the universe the look.
    Yes. That look.
  3. Hold your (turned-off) phone, open your third eye, and whisper:
    “Tell my guides I’m out. No voicemail.”
  4. Lie down dramatically and admit:
    “Fine. I’ll stay. But only because my cat needs me.”
  5. Sigh deeply.
    You’re still here. You’re magnificent. You’re ridiculous. You’re sacred.

🔑 WTF Key Affirmation:

“I didn’t cancel my incarnation.
I just put it on snooze.”

✨ Float on, space traveler. You got this (kind of). ✨