“I meditate. But also fantasize about slapping people with a crystal.”

🎴

✨ Description:
You’re spiritual.
You’re kind.
You recycle your intentions, charge your crystals, and once thanked your shadow for triggering you.
But also…

You’re one inconvenient comment away from gently screaming into a velvet pillow while clutching your rose quartz like a weapon.

This card is for that beautiful, balanced space between peace and passive-aggressive eye twitching.
It’s not full rage — it’s spiritually buffered fury.
Anger with incense.
Rage wearing yoga pants.

You don’t need to suppress it.
You don’t need to justify it.
Just own it. With love. And possibly glitter.

🔮 Mini RITUAL: Sacred Sarcasm Smudge

What you need:
🧘 A calm exterior
💢 A mildly boiling inner monologue
🔮 A crystal that’s witnessed too much
🌬️ A fan (for dramatic sighs)

Light incense. Gaze into the smoke like you’re starring in a soul drama.
Whisper with grace:

“I send love to all beings…
…except Karen, who knows what she did.”

Take a deep breath.
Roll your eyes.
Return to peace. Until the next vibrational offense.

🛸 Mantra of the Card:
“I am calm. I am centered.
I am one bad vibe away from astrally yelling.”

✨ Namaste, but do not test me ✨