Category Seriously Enlightened WTF Edition
Manifesting or just mildly panicking with style?
This card is your cosmic permission slip to overthink like it’s a spiritual discipline.
You’re not lost — you’re just running five timelines at once… in your head.
You met your shadow.
It wasn’t a demon — just the version of you that’s tired of pretending everything’s fine.
This card is a loving punch in the ego reminding you:
You’re a masterpiece… with emotional side quests.
Being lost is just the Universe saying:
“Your soul’s GPS is recalculating.”
This card is a high-five from the unknown — ditch the fake maps and start walking your own weird, wonderful path.
Sometimes the silence is the message.
This card is for those moments when the Universe hits “Do Not Disturb.”
No signs. No answers. Just you, your overthinking, and a divine nap in progress.
You’re not the chosen one.
But you are a cosmic gremlin with potential, glitter, and a tendency to procrastinate enlightenment with snacks.
This card reminds you that the divine lives in dishes, dust, and doing the damn work.
A glittery lie wrapped in rose quartz.
This card exposes the sparkly trap of spiritual bypassing — where crystals replace accountability, and affirmations cover ancient wounds.
Time to heal without the glitter filter.
Ascended? Maybe.
But if soup can still ruin your day, this card is for you.
A gentle reminder that being human is part of the path — tears, tantrums, salt and all.
When your soulmate is late for the fifth incarnation in a row, maybe it’s not you. Maybe you’re just on a higher vibrational plane — and nobody’s got signal there.
Welcome to the cosmic dating pool, where “divine timing” means ghosted again.
Light your candle, grab a juice box, and swipe yourself back to sanity.
This card is for everyone who’s ever saged their phone and still got left on read by the Universe.
You are a divine antenna. It’s not your fault the signal is 98% memes, static, and psychic buffering.
“Channel: Two Working Brain Cells” is the card for anyone who’s ever tried to connect with higher wisdom
and ended up channeling their own anxiety, snack cravings, or the spirit of their childhood hamster.
You’re not broken. You’re just temporarily broadcasting from the station of cosmic chaos.
And honestly?
That’s where the best messages come from — right between divine downloads and complete emotional system crashes.
Welcome to spiritual Wi-Fi with ✨ limited bandwidth ✨ and excellent comedic timing.
You’ve read the books. Pulled the cards. Cleansed the chakras. And still… nothing makes sense.
“Ascended & Confused” is the card for every soul who’s done all the things —
and yet finds themselves blinking at the moon like:
“Is that… a sign? Or just a rock?”
This isn’t failure.
This is Sacred Cosmic Fog™.
The truth is:
Sometimes the more you know, the more your brain resembles a glittery smoothie of metaphysical nonsense.
And that’s valid.
You’re not lost. You’re just… in divine recalculating mode.
Rerouting. Please remain seated.