🧘

“Do you meditate?”
“Well, I sit on the bathroom floor thinking about murder and wondering if God also rolls His eyes sometimes.”

📿 Real-Life Meditation Guide

  1. Find a calm place. Like your bathroom. Or under the table, if you have roommates.
  2. Sit comfortably. On a cushion, toilet seat, or existential crisis.
  3. Breathe. Preferably through your nose. Unless it’s allergy season – then just try not to suffocate.
  4. Think of nothing. Which obviously means obsessing over what that weird noise was at 3:47 AM.
  5. Accept all that arises. Especially your sudden need to scratch everything at once.
  6. End with love. Or a grumble: “That’s enough enlightenment for today. Coffee time.” ☕

💭 Questions for Reflection

  • Do my thoughts need therapy after my meditation?
  • Is it okay to sit in silence without becoming a guru?
  • Does spirituality begin where my patience ends?

🔥 Seriously Ridiculous Mantra of the Day

“I am peace. I am light. And if anyone tells me to ‘calm down’ one more time, I will bite.”

✨ Namaste, but also… nope. ✨