Tag spiritual humor
Seriously Ridiculous
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Welcome to the space where spirituality doesn’t wear makeup.
Where affirmations meet pizza, and rituals end with doing the dishes.
You won’t find advice here like “be your best self” — unless your best self is a divine being in leggings trying to meditate while the dog needs to pee.
I sat.
Cross-legged. Spine long. Heart open.
And I whispered with great devotion:
“Dear Universe… I am ready to receive.”
Your crystals are charged, your chakras are aligned… and your rent is still due.
This card reminds you that while spiritual tools are magical, they don’t replace adulting.
Sparkle wisely.
You are not broken. You are buffering.
This card is your permission to log out, shut down, and vibe with rest.
No healing. No upgrades. Just sacred stillness and maybe a snack.
When your soulmate is late for the fifth incarnation in a row, maybe it’s not you. Maybe you’re just on a higher vibrational plane — and nobody’s got signal there.
Welcome to the cosmic dating pool, where “divine timing” means ghosted again.
Light your candle, grab a juice box, and swipe yourself back to sanity.
This card is for everyone who’s ever saged their phone and still got left on read by the Universe.
Ascended? Absolutely. Awake? Technically. Functioning? …Let’s not push it.
“Ascended & Exhausted” is for those of us who’ve touched the stars, downloaded cosmic wisdom, and still forgot why we walked into the kitchen.
You’re glowing. You’re wise.
You’re also mildly dehydrated and haven’t done laundry since the last retrograde.
And that’s okay.
Ascension is real. So is burnout. This card sees you. 🛸💫
I Took a Spiritual Selfie… and Looked Like Exhausted Divinity
Moral?
Sometimes healing isn’t about fixing what you see —
It’s about staying long enough to see who’s still there.